Judgment: The Nature of Human Nature

Just like most of our automatic behaviors, judgment is a tool used for safety and survival. Our brains are hard wired to make quick judgments of people, situations, and options in order to ensure that we are not in danger and are able to continue living the best lives we can. So, when you encounter an authentically non-judgmental space, it's because those in the space are making conscious choices to be curious when those automatic judgments come up. It isn't that they don't happen... because that would be like asking someone to not breath, and still stay alive. It's in choosing curiosity over judgment that we are able to move forward.

In this series, we will explore judgment, why it happens, the link between judging ourselves and others, and how we can shift our perspectives and behaviors in order to remain curious and lead with love. This first article in the series will focus on what judgment is, and why it happens.

Why is it so automatic to judge first, and so intentional to choose curiosity? Well... to quote a well known proverb, "Curiosity killed the cat." For centuries, humans have used this proverb to warn against the dangers of asking questions and leaning into the unknown. This fear based idea has been reinforced through centuries of "I told you so" moments where people have illustrated the importance of making snap judgments and quick decisions when faced with unknown circumstances. For instance, if we belabor the metaphor of a curious cat, assuming it is a run-of-the-mill house cat – if the cat's first judgment of a wolf isn't one of danger, but instead curiosity, and inches closer to get to know the wolf better, there is a very real possibility that the wolf would attack the cat. Humans have the same kind of hard wired instincts to make snap judgments about the situations we encounter. Only ours are more influenced by societal pressures, personal beliefs, and personal experiences than factual danger.

Most everyone can site at least one time when we have made a snap judgment based on a previously similar situation, so we won't explore that reason. Let's instead focus on the other two that aren't always so obvious to us.

Societal Pressures & Judgment

Have you ever seen someone act in a way that seemed so opposite of how you were told to act that you heard yourself say, "They can't do that," or "How could they do that?" In that moment, you were responding to how you were taught that people "should" act in society. We all have those "shoulds" engrained in our psyches. We are told that everyone has the same list of "shoulds" and everyone is supposed to act accordingly. But, everyone actually learned from different lists. For instance, not everyone agrees that it is impolite to curse in public. Some cultures regard curse words the same as any other word, just an expression of thought and feeling.

But, in the same way that the cat knows that the wolf is dangerous, some people "know" that it is impolite to curse in public and react accordingly. I bring this back to the cat and the wolf to reconnect this with a fear of being unsafe. It's not that the words themselves, in this example, are making the person feel unsafe. Instead, it is the way we learn our list of societal "shoulds." When we learn them, we come to understand that our ability to stay safe within our society is directly related to our compliance with the things on that list. So, naturally, when you encounter someone who does not comply to the societal "shoulds" that you have been taught, your instant judgment is that they are threatening your safety within society as you understand it.

I know, this can seem like a stretch, because it is pretty deeply engrained in our unconscious minds, but neuroscience has shown that the parts of the brain that are activated during these kinds of judgments are the amygdala and the right inferior temporal cortex. The amygdala is best known for its control over our fear responses. So it is often talked about in relationship to our survival techniques. However, research shows that the amygdala also plays a role in aggression, learning through reward and punishment, unconscious memory, social communication and understanding, emotions connected to memories, and learned behaviors related to addiction. So those social "shoulds" are deeply engrained and twisted up with how we learned them as well as how we have learned to think, feel, and respond to people who don't comply. The right inferior temporal cortex is associated with facial processing. So we also automatically project judgments of whether or not people will comply with those "shoulds" based on what we have learned. For instance, if we grew up learning that people who looked like us were more likely to comply, and people who did not look like us were more likely to not comply, we will automatically make a judgment based on how the person looks.

Because this is automatic, I encourage you to take a moment to find compassion for yourself and for others for this. We never know what is on anyone's list of societal "shoulds" and sometimes we don't even know the depths of our own lists until this automatic response happens. If we want audit and edit our lists, we need to first start with accepting the list and accepting ourselves for having it.

Personal Beliefs & Judgment

In addition to societal pressures, our learned lists of "shoulds" are also driven by personal beliefs. These beliefs can come from experience, religion, education, or our personal world views. The personal beliefs that we form about how we and others "should" behave can come from fearful and positive experiences. Regardless of where they come from, they too serve the purpose of keeping us safe.

Since, in moments of judgment, our amygdala sources the lessons we have learned through reward and punishment as well as emotions connected to memories, those lessons and emotions form what we believe to be true. If we have a belief formed through fear, we tend to resource that emotion and make judgments based on what we fear will happen. For example, if someone grew up being scolded, or abused, when they shared their opinion, they could form a belief that opinions "should" never be shared with others. That "should" is added to the list of behaviors that require compliance for safety. So now, imagine that same person in a situation where they witness someone openly sharing their opinion about something. It makes complete sense that, through fear of retribution, there would be a judgment made that "they shouldn't say anything." This judgment is based on personal safety as well as the safety of others.

Similarly, personal beliefs can be created through positive experiences and result in judgments. Imagine a person who had an incredible religious experience where they were able to make positive changes in their lives during very difficult times. They could then form a personal belief that religion is absolutely necessary to living a happy and rewarding life. When that person then encounters a non-religious person, they resource their own positive emotions connected to religion and could form a judgment that the non-religious person "must be living an unfulfilled life." This person genuinely wants the other person to feel the joy that they had felt in their past and, because they believe that religion is necessary, they project that "should" onto others.

Beliefs like these are formed on both conscious and unconscious levels. Though we may form a conscious belief for ourselves like, "I should never share my opinion," or "religion is absolutely necessary for my happiness," we often unconsciously project those beliefs onto others and they become the lenses through which we see the world.

Personally, I believe that all people are doing the best they can in life and that everyone deserves compassion. That belief is conscious and also unconsciously influences my view of judgment in general. It has lead me to seek out the science behind judgment in order to understand why it happens, inspired me to examine how my own "shoulds" lists have driven my judgments in every situation, and seek out ways to shift judgment into curiosity in order to create truly safe spaces for myself and others.

In the next article, we'll explore the link between judging others and ourselves. Between now and then, I encourage you to find compassion for yourself and others, now that you also know the science and logic behind judgment.