Burnout and Success

Why Achievers Still Feel Exhausted

A compassionate look at burnout, hustle culture, balance, and what it means to thrive as a whole person—not just a high performer.

This quote from Vince Lombardi perfectly illustrates the type of the thoughts that screamed in my brain when I would take time to rest, recover, or make time for fun when I knew my goals were waiting for me to reach them.

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will.” –Vince Lombardi

It wasn't that exact quote though, because somewhere along the way the inspirational intention behind quotes like this turned into red hot metal weapons of shame that I used to push myself against all resistance.

This is the hustle culture vibe that resonates throughout our society, telling us that only those who work the hardest, never rest, and certainly never give up will succeed. We're surrounded by these messages on a daily basis and high achievers tend to play them on repeat inside their own heads.

"Hustling is putting every minute and all your effort into achieving the goal at hand." –Gary Vaynerchuk

As much as I'd love to point a finger at the Gary Vaynerchuks of the world for perpetuating the hustle culture as the reason why high performers, achievers, and strivers experience burnout on a regular basis, it's not the only factor that leads to burnout. The idea that we have to be constantly working harder than the person next to us in order to get ahead is also not a new idea. People who "started with nothing and worked their way to the top," have been championed throughout history. So, it is no surprise that it feels like the right thing to do.

When we constantly work harder and hustle to get ahead of our peers and colleagues, every achievement becomes less of a finish line and more of a mile marker. The goals keep getting bigger and we keep pushing because that is all we know. This is exhausting mentally, emotionally, and even physically. If this is how the world works though, why are people getting burned out?

Because humans are whole people. We are not machines that were specifically designed to hit goals and build successful careers. The human experience is one that includes relationships, joy, spiritual/nature connections, physical activity, mental and emotional growth, and more. When we realize this, we often start to pull back from work and say, "I need more balance," as a response to feeling burned out. Unfortunately, most people don't know what "balance" actually looks or feels like in their lives.

So how do we define it? Well, during the labor movements of the 19th century, the idea of work-life balance was a common talking point as people fought back against long, grueling work hours that took them away from their families and caused physical injury. Work-Life balance began to gain more traction in the late 20th century as women started entering the workforce in higher numbers and demanded flexibility in work schedules and maternity leave. Now, work-life balance has evolved into a desire for a holistic life approach where people can attain success at work while also finding fulfillment outside of work. It now intertwines with self-care and personal growth outside of career advancement. This is generally what the culture defines as "balance."

Is that what "balance" means to you?

The reality is that "balance" is defined differently for every person. Yeah, I know, it's not the black and white definition you may be used to getting from blogs on the internet, but it's real.

As a whole person, with unique life experiences that shape your individual world view, your balance will look different than every other person in the world. That's why following one-size-fits-all—"do as I did"—advice only works well for some people and often leads to feelings burnout, confusion, and even shame that we must have "done it wrong."

In reality, there is a push and pull that naturally occurs in our lives between the various areas in our life. When we focus all of our energy in one area, there isn't enough energy left for the other areas. Balance actually is created when you understand where your energy is currently going, where you want it to go, and how you can allocate it so that you still have some energy left over. That isn't easy because we are conditioned to believe that we should be able to give 110% in every area of life in order to be successful. If you'd like to start exploring this for yourself, I've developed a free Energy Flow Workbook that you can download for free. It is a great starting point for deeper reflection and self-awareness around where your energy is currently flowing and where you want it to flow instead.

Whole Person Coaching® Web of Life — ©Coach Training World

During the Whole Person Coaching process, we use a tool called the Web of Life. Many coaches, self-help books, trainers, and institutions use a version of this for holistic understanding, often called the Wheel of Life. Personally, I prefer the Web of Life because it helps to visualize the push and pull of energy in our lives and understand why we're feeling burned out or stuck. It is humanly impossible to give the same amount of energy to every area in life all of the time. Energy flows where we focus most of our attention. So you can imagine a web shifting and fluxing from one day to the next, let alone year after year.

I believe that it is also important to understand what each area of life truly means to you on a deeper level. Most of us don't take the time to actually define terms like family for ourselves, even though we instinctively know that it may not align with the common cultural definition. Doing that deeper work can really make a difference in understanding our unique world views. When I use this with clients, they get a chance to slow down and invest time in developing these deeper understandings; and it is amazing to get to witness people begin to understand why they feel burned out or stuck. They see the web shift and suddenly realize that through their world view, they have agency to make the changes in their lives that are not only unique to them, but actually sustainable.

When we take that understanding one level deeper, and explore how our personal core values align with where are energy is flowing, we start to see a holistic picture of how burnout and chronic stress are manifesting. For example, if most of your energy is flowing toward work–and you are having a hard time figuring out why you are feeling burned out because you actually like the work you're doing–this is where values play a deep and meaningful role.

The Scenario

Let's imagine that, even though you are enjoying your actual work, when you see your company's advertising on TV and online, you realize that they are using manipulative marketing techniques to win business–the manipulation stands out to you because one of your core values is honesty. When you first see the ads, you may start to feel a burning in the pit of your stomach, your blood pressure rising, a tightness in your chest or sweaty palms. Those are somatic signals that your body is using to tell you that something isn't right. As most of do at this stage, let's imagine you say to yourself, "That's just marketing, it has nothing to do with my work," and keep putting your energy into the work that you enjoy, while blocking out the ads as much as possible. You're able to do this for a while, but soon signs of burnout or chronic stress start to emerge–like anxiety, feeling on edge, complacency, sadness, lack of motivation, lack of sense of purpose or even chronic illness. Then, your actual work starts to slip and even though you are an "A player" for the company, you're being told that you've dropped the ball or you're not performing at the same level and are letting people down. Guilt and shame start to build, and you push yourself harder, but the symptoms keep showing up and seem to get worse.

As you can see, something that doesn't even seem related directly to your experience could

be affecting you on an unconscious level when it is is out of alignment with our core values. Once we identify our core values, and understand how they are intimately woven throughout our beings, we begin to understand how we can start to feel burnout in spite of success and even in spite of loving what we're doing.

Work is only one example of how your energy can flow against your core values. It can happen in personal and romantic relationships, hobbies and even the environments where we spend the most time. The deeper work that we do together shines light on those areas so that you can choose how to move forward in a way that is in alignment with your core values and start to build sustainable resilience.

If you feel ready to dive into this deeper work, I invite you to book your free, no pressure, consultation.

Wherever you are in your journey, you are doing great! You are exactly where you need to be, and you have the agency to decide where you go from here. 💖

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